Authenticity. You’re everyone’s muse.
Have you noticed how ubiquitous conversations about authenticity have become? They are not just on social media, or in wellness discussions, but also in the workplace, woven into DEI (Diversity, Equity and Inclusion) agendas, too. If authenticity were an actual person, they’d be swimming in cash right now, with all the royalties we would pay.
Yet, with all this talk, which seemingly makes the word authenticity even more appealing, lies the question we ask ourselves at some point: “What does it mean to be authentic?” or “Who is my authentic self?”
The silence that often follows this curiosity can be deafening, but once we start asking these questions, there is no going back. Because, at the very core, what we’re really asking of ourselves is: “Who Am I?”…and, how many of us can answer this question with confidence and honesty?
This curiosity inevitably invites us to delve deep into our beliefs, our way of life and so much more. Sometimes, our curiosity can take us to extremely uncomfortable places because we are meeting ourselves in different and maybe even entirely new ways.
Yet, something within beckons. It is perhaps a strange knowing that this journey of self-discovery is fated and worthwhile. After all, it may be your authentic self that awaits at the end of it. Do you dare answer the call?
So. What happened?
The desire to search for our authentic self doesn’t happen overnight. Ask anyone who’s “on the path” and they will tell you about their story – something that triggered a realization of sorts; that there is more to life than our daily grind. That, perhaps, life can be more fulfilling. And maybe, just maybe, it is possible to “live our life’s purpose”. Small, yet, big words, right? But, no, really – what happened to you? Do you remember?
There might be a not-so-distant explanation or trigger.
It seems, many have forgotten what life was like when the world came to a screeching halt during the Covid pandemic in 2020. Social distancing upended our lives in ways we never thought it would. Life mirrored a strange Sci-Fi movie. Do you remember?
Many of us were confined to our homes, fortunate to be working from home, if lucky, and safe, out of harms’ way. Sadly, some people lost loved ones. Some lost their jobs. Some lost both. No matter the circumstances, it’s safe to say that we are forever changed.
It comes as no surprise that Google searches for the word "authenticity" started to increase in the year of the pandemic. Arguably, yes, the data for searches of “authenticity” can be duplicitous because the word is used in multiple contexts. In any event, if you looked up searches for the words “be authentic”, you’ll see the same trend. More people are searching for authenticity. And maybe, with that comes a search for meaning.
So here’s a thought.
When almost all our distractions are taken away – social gatherings, outdoor exercises and activities – we are left with time for our mind to wander. The lack of distractions was, perhaps, the trigger for many to start ruminating on life, happiness, relationships, career, well-being, mental health and the list goes on. And there. Slowly, but surely, we embarked on a journey to meet and discover our authentic self.
Some of us came out of the pandemic on a journey to self-discovery. Others came out of it with a lifetime supply of toilet paper. (Remember the hoarding?)
The pitfalls of romanticising the search for our Authentic Self.
It’s safe to say we didn’t lose our authentic self while we were out grocery shopping in the dairy section of our local supermarket. (If only the explanation were that easy…) And, it’s not like a part of us ran away from home so all we need to do is file a missing person’s report. So where did our authentic self go? Did we ever have one to begin with? So many questions.
Reading and talking about authenticity can be inspiring and uplifting – it’s a wonderful thing. They stir up an internal battle cry for us to be our authentic selves. Soon, we feel energized and invigorated, like an intern on their first day of work, going: “Where do I start?”
And then reality hits.
There’s no manual for this stuff; this business of self-discovery. This desire to find one's authentic self. This answer to the question of “Who Am I?” And so we do what most people do. We ask Google. Not God. Not the Universe. And we go down the rabbit hole of psychology, spirituality, blogs, literature, autobiographies and so on. Every once in a while, we get distracted by dog memes and that’s okay. And, sometimes, we end up with more questions than when we first started. It’s a long process and it’s not always a sunny, straightforward path across a field of dandelions.
While many embark on the path with such gusto and optimism, not everyone makes it through the arduous and sometimes, unforgiving twists and turns we must overcome. It’s like the Lord of The Rings, when the Fellowship was formed. The individuals of the group were so enthusiastic to be part of a journey so deeply meaningful. And although they were victorious in the end, there is no underestimating what each had lost, who they lost and what each one had been through.
The good news is, in our collective real-life stories, we don’t have to fight Orcs, fall through fiery caverns or lose a finger. But, romanticizing the path ahead can lead to unrealistic expectations with oneself and others. It can also lead us to abandon the journey altogether. So, as we move forward, we must remember to have compassion for ourselves and to allow space for the good and the bad – for all our thoughts, our emotions and our behaviours to be seen, heard, healed and transformed…even when it gets uncomfortable.
It's a challenging path forward. What else do I need to know?
We all need someone to lean on. And, therapy is a great way to receive the support you need, if you are open to it. Uncovering our authentic self is a deeply personal experience and part of it asks that we figure out what works best for us, with or without therapy. For some, this means travelling, others like to read and some surrender themselves to various forms of creativity – there are so ways to meet and rediscover oneself.
Nevertheless, we end up in a similar place at one point or another – ugly-crying on someone’s couch. We cry over something that did or didn’t happen. We cry over the fact that we don’t know who we are anymore. And we cry for all the hardships life has thrown at us. And sometimes, this breakdown is much needed, because not everyone had the luxury of “falling apart” when we really needed to. Quite simply, because no one would be there to break our fall. And, because no one would be there to catch us when we’re about to hit rock bottom.
You see, for many of us, the act of expressing one's thoughts or emotions is a luxury. Many of us didn’t grow up in safe environments that allowed us to be as human as we are. Maybe that’s when we started losing ourselves, piece by piece. And so, the journey of self-discovery not only allows us to discover new parts of our being. It also helps reacquaints us with the parts of us we’ve lost; the parts we’ve suppressed and the parts we’ve kept in the dark for so long. We might banished these parts out of shame or for reasons we can’t even remember. Yet, it’s in the unravelling of these parts and their stories that are so deeply intertwined with our beliefs and sense of self that comes to the fore as we reflect. This is the hard part of "doing the work."
And, with time, as we attempt to understand who we are, and the person that we once were, we move closer to becoming who we want to be – our authentic self.
So much to say. Is there a TL;DR?
Of course there is. The invitation to come home to your authentic self often comes when we start asking the hard questions; who we are and who we want to be. And it’s a choice to pursue the path of self-discovery, or, to continue life as it is. There is no right or wrong. There is only difference.
Regardless, life guarantees we will be faced with trials and tribulations as we go on. There will be happiness and joy, too. But the path to self-discovery can make our lives deeply fulfilling and meaningful – if we are willing to do the work and to persevere. We will be challenged mentally, emotionally, spiritually and sometimes, physically, too. We will confront uncomfortable truths, traumas and come face to face with our beliefs, our behaviours, our grief and we will see those we have hurt and those who hurt us in a different light. We will be called to make tough decisions. We will make mistakes. We will learn. We will grow. And hopefully, we will evolve.
And in the end, the wisdom and knowledge we would have gained, along with our newly formed authentic self makes it worth the experience. And we deserve to live a deeply fulfilling life with our most beautiful, glorious, authentic selves – don’t you think?
